How to Parent Yourself (When Parents Aren’t Around)
I recently quit my job.
Not in a glamorous “main character” kind of way. There was no dramatic email or champagne-fuelled exit (hello, Lisa Rinna). Just me, sitting in front of my laptop thinking: I actually don’t need to be treated like this. And then closing the chapter.
It wasn’t easy. I didn’t have another role lined up. I didn’t even have a real plan. But I knew that staying would mean slowly betraying myself, one polite email at a time. And I’ve done that before—shrunk myself to keep the peace, twisted myself to fit into broken systems.
But not anymore.
Because here’s what I’ve learned, through career chaos and fertility hormones and life not going according to plan: you have to learn how to parent yourself.
Not in a soft, scented-bath kind of way (although: yes to baths). I mean in a showing up, setting boundaries, cheering yourself on, and making hard decisions kind of way.
Why Parenting Yourself Matters—Especially Now
Let’s be honest: a lot of us are out here doing Big Adult Things without much guidance.
Maybe your mom isn’t around anymore, or maybe she never really showed up the way you needed. Maybe you’re going through fertility treatments, or navigating scary test results, or just feeling like you’re floating through a fog of uncertainty while your friends post engagement photos and holiday reels.
No one teaches you how to handle these moments. So we fumble through.
But parenting yourself means becoming the person who doesn’t abandon you—even when life gets weird, unfair, or flat-out overwhelming.
It’s about becoming your own inner hype woman, your own voice of reason, and sometimes your own strict-but-loving “go to bed, babe” kind of figure.
So What Does Parenting Yourself Actually Look Like?
Let’s break it down:
1. Know When It’s Time to Leave the Party
Whether it’s a toxic job, a disappointing clinic, or a WhatsApp thread that’s slowly killing your joy—you get to walk away.
Parenting yourself means recognising when something consistently drains you and choosing to protect your peace over people-pleasing.
I left my job with zero drama but full conviction. It was less “girlboss” and more “I deserve better, thanks.”
2. Speak to Yourself Like You’d Speak to Your Best Friend
If your friend called you sobbing after a bad doctor’s appointment, would you say, “You’re overreacting. Get it together”?
No? Then don’t say it to yourself either.
Try: “This is hard, and you’re handling it.” Or: “You did your best with the information you had.” Bonus points for calling yourself “love” in a fake British accent.
3. Feed Yourself Like Someone You Care About
Weird one? Maybe.
But when you’re stressed or spiralling, skipping meals or eating random handfuls of cereal in between IVF injections is not the vibe.
Make a plate. Sit down. Add something green. Parenting yourself means fuelling your body even when your brain is chaos.
4. Don’t Wait for Crisis to Justify Care
You don’t have to hit rock bottom to take a break. You don’t need a formal diagnosis to slow down.
One of the most radical things you can do is say: “I’m feeling fragile today, and that’s reason enough.”
It’s not lazy. It’s leadership.
5. Make Your Life Feel a Little More Like You—Even When Things Are Uncertain
You might not be able to control outcomes (ahem, fertility).
But you can wear clothes that make you feel hot. You can walk to your favourite coffee shop and romanticise your oat flat white.
You can still be you—even when you’re in the thick of injections, appointments, or waiting for “the call.”
Parenting yourself means remembering that you’re more than a fertility number, a work title, or someone else’s expectations.
You’re Allowed to Leave
Jobs. Doctors. Expectations. Shoulds.
You’re allowed to leave it all behind if it doesn’t serve the woman you’re becoming.
And yes, it’s scary. But staying small is scarier.
Leaving my job wasn’t some big empowerment moment. It was quiet.
But it was aligned.
And that’s what we’re going for—not perfection, but alignment.
Quick Cheatsheet: How to Start Parenting Yourself Today
Call yourself in, not out. Be curious, not critical.
Add one grounding thing to your day (a walk, a playlist, an outfit that makes you feel like her).
Cancel one thing that doesn’t feel right.
Say no to something. Say yes to something else.
Feed yourself. Like, actually.
Sleep. You are not a robot.
Ask yourself: What do I need right now? And what would I tell a friend in this same situation?
Final Thought: You Don’t Need to Have It All Figured Out
Parenting yourself doesn’t mean you always know what to do.
It means you stay.
You keep showing up for yourself, even when you feel lost. Especially when you feel lost.
You’re not broken. You’re building something.
And just because it’s uncomfortable doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong.
So wherever you are—whether you’re waiting on results, injecting hormones at 7 a.m., rethinking your career, or trying to breathe through the unknown—just know:
You’re doing better than you think.
And you’ve got you.
Which is a pretty solid start. 💛
